Release Yourself; Be Free

How to Free Yourself From Limiting Beliefs

“From this instant on, vow to stop disappointing yourself. Separate yourself from the mob. Decide to be extraordinary and do what you need to do – now.” - Stoic philosopher Epictetus

Whether you want to believe this or not, we all have the capacity to be extraordinary, to live our passion, to realize our full potential. When you get right down to it, what holds us back are limiting beliefs that run through our minds. These are mental habits repeating in an endless loop, making us believe that we are incapable and that our dreams are impossible to achieve. They trick us into thinking we are less than we actually are.

It is absolutely the case that when these beliefs are seen in the light of day and put to rest, our lives begin to soar. Whatever is in us that is begging to be expressed finally has a conduit into the world.

When you are free of limiting beliefs, you experience the following:

• Space for creativity to flow through you
• Clarity about your everyday decisions as well as your life path
• Happiness and confidence
• Energy for the activities and people that bring you fulfillment
• Greater ability to focus

Sounds great, right? So how do we free ourselves from these beliefs once and for all? The two-part answer is:

1. Identify the beliefs that hold you back.


2. Break up with these beliefs. That's right – let them go, it's time to walk away.

Step #1: Identify the beliefs that hold you back
We all have our version of limiting beliefs that creeps into our minds and keeps us small and constrained. To help you identify your mental habits, see if you recognize yourself in any of these common patterns:

• The perfection-seeker is hard-driving, critical, and pushy. The tone of this inner voice can be very harsh as it tries to motivate you through judgment and ridicule. It starts sentences with, “you should...,” “you really need to...,” “you have to...,” “you better...,” “if you don't...”


• The naysayer is negative about everything – you, your abilities, your ideas. It's signature phrase is, “I can't.” It tells you you are worthless or stupid and finds every reason in the book for you not to be succeed. It says your ideas are too difficult to carry out, they cost too much, you will have to work too hard, other people will think you are crazy, and on and on.


• The doubter is full of worry and mistrust. It incessantly questions everything, as in, What if I fail?...Should I do it this way or that way?...What will they think?...What do I think?...I should have...I shouldn't have... The doubter second-guesses so much that you are paralyzed to take any action.


• The procrastinator's favorite word is mañana, tomorrow. It constantly encourages you to put off taking action until another time that never comes. The procrastinator can be seductive because it loves watching TV, surfing the internet, and having a few beers. It also turns dreams into chores, as in, “Do I have to join the networking group?”


• The blamer holds other people and circumstances responsible for your failure to shine. Everyone and everything else is at fault, while the blamer feels victimized and powerless. The blamer says, “If only...” - if only someone or some situation were different, then you would be able to move forward.

Step #2: Break up with the beliefs.
These limiting beliefs have incorrectly defined who you are. If you give them attention, they will continue; if you disregard them, they will eventually lose their power over you. You have had a relationship with them for a long time, and now that relationship is coming to an end. Make it a gracious breakup. Thank these thought patterns for trying to protect you, for that is why they have been present in you. Let them know they don't serve you anymore, then move your attention away. This is the key. Tell yourself:

• They are not true;
• I don't need them;
• They hold me back;
• They bring me unhappiness;
• They are distortions of reality;
• They keep me from realizing my potential.

Here is a technique that can sometimes help. I'd like you to stand up and feel the full effect of these limiting beliefs on you. Now, take a step to the right, and as you do, leave all of these unwanted beliefs behind. You are standing in a fresh place unencumbered by old stories of inadequacy and negativity. See how this is possible?

You may find a resurgence in your inner voices when you begin to walk away. Know that this is just more limiting mind activity that doesn't deserve your attention. Recommit to the freedom you truly long for, and politely turn from these beliefs – every single time. I promise you that you will be liberated from them once and for all. Break up with these beliefs, and watch your life sparkle.

Can you identify your own limiting beliefs? Have you been able to let them go? I'd love to hear your stories, insights, and questions.

Written on 10/27/2009 by Gail Brenner, Ph.D. Gail offers practical wisdom for clarity, freedom, and happiness on her blog, A Flourishing Life, focusing on real solutions for self-defeating habits.

Photo Credit: zakulaan@zainiabdullahpjk

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The Seven Myths About Manifesting Abundance - by Linda Zander

The Seven Myths About Manifesting Abundance - by Linda Zander

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The Perfect You - By Ariel and Shya Kane

Where did you learn what is beautiful? Where did you learn what is ugly? Where did you learn what a perfect body looks like? And how old were you when you came to these conclusions?

A few years ago when walking down the street in Paris we found ourselves taken by the body image represented as "beautiful" by the street lamps in front of the Paris Opera House. Built in the mid-1800's, those lamps are supported by statues of naked women. These castings done in the Neo-Baroque style are curvy, with rounded bellies and by today's standards they all need to go on Weight Watchers, visit Jenny Craig or at very least tighten their abs with a good dose of Pilates.

Our idea of a beautiful body was given to us by the culture we grew up in. By the time we reach puberty we each have decided what we need to be like in order to have the perfect body and by that time, we knew we never would.

One year the two of us led 6 weeks of consecutive courses at a conference center on Maui. The course room had an entire wall of mirrors so we became comfortable seeing ourselves daily in shorts and even from time-to-time in our bikini and swim suit. However when we completed the groups and went to a hotel down near the beach for a bit of R&R, we were surprised to discover that when looking in those mirrors our bodies appeared sadly lacking. It was a lesson, never forgotten, that the culture we are surrounded by can make a direct and immediate impact on our self-perceptions.

If you want to know your body image, begin by paying attention to your internal conversation without taking it personally.

"What?" you might say, "How can I possibly not take how I look and feel personally?"

It is easy once your realize that your thoughts about yourself and how you look are a collection of recordings stored in your internal Jukebox or MP3 player and when the circumstances apply a little pressure you play a familiar tune.

The key to creating something new rather than playing an oldie-but-not-so-goody is awareness. Learning the art of awareness, or self-observation without self-reproach, is a skill-set that can be learned. Like exercising a muscle, the more you simply see things without judging what you see, the more you discover how to neutrally observe yourself. As you discover how to be kind to yourself rather than berate yourself for the body you have, it certainly sets you up to find motivation for living a healthy lifestyle. If every time you step on a scale or go to the gym it is reinforcement that you are "fat," sooner or later you are going to want to quit on yourself.

Want to know a great secret for dissolving a negative body image? Take an anthropological approach. Pretend you are a scientist, observing a culture of one -- yourself. The trick is not to judge what you see but to neutrally observe how you function, including your thought processes. Awareness and kindness is key.

Be kind to yourself right now, not when you lose the weight and not when you continue the exercise routine that you promised yourself you would.

In this moment you are a perfect you. And if you gain or lose some weight, then you will still be you. But if you are kind to yourself right now, and just notice how you are without beating on yourself for what you see, then regardless of your weight, shape or size you will feel satisfied.

Most people are afraid that if they aren't hard on themselves then there will be no motivation to improve, no reason to move and that they will then turn into the world's largest couch potato. Not true. When you are feeling satisfied, and good in your own skin, there is no need to turn to comfort food. That extra cookie isn't a reward when living your life is its own reward. Don't you feel more like moving out into the world and being active in your life when you aren't being hard on yourself? Oddly enough, when you don't pick on yourself, your actions will tend to support a healthy lifestyle and your body is sure to follow.

About the Authors:

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. To find out more about the Kanes and their Transformational Community or to sign up to receive their article of the month, visit their website at http://www.TransformationMadeEasy.com

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Which Came First, the Chicken or the Egg?

By Karen Wright

This riddle keeps our minds wrapped in a never-ending search for truth. You can't have an egg without first having a chicken... but then, where did the chicken come from? It's a conundrum that might also apply to a more elemental issue: who are we and what are we doing?

Do we become what we do... or do we do who we are? You could easily argue either side - depending upon your experience. You might even determine that it's a little of both.

There may not be a single correct answer to this dilemma, but even unsolvable problems offer significant insights into how our minds work and, consequently, how our lives look.

Take this example: how long have you been trying to figure out how to have the life you really want to live? Forever? How many times have you changed relationships, jobs, hair styles, residences - all in pursuit of the wondrous image you have of the perfect life? And where has that gotten you?

If insanity is the belief that you can get a different result from doing the same ineffective thing over and over again, then may I offer a bit of sanity? Rather than pursuing your dream life, become the person that dream life was built for.

Who would you need to BE to live the life you want? Face it, right now you are perfectly suited to the life you have. It fits like a glove. Now, you might not like that fact, but there it is. If you were a different person, you'd be living different life.

So, if you want a different life from what you now have - become the person who has that kind of life. Work on the inside first and the outside will be drawn to you like flies to honey. It will be a natural extension of who you have become. There will be no struggle.

Our problem is that we want a different life, but we don't want to change. There's that definition of insanity again. Or, perhaps we're not sure how to change. One of my favorite book titles is The Answer to How is Yes

(2003, Peter Block). He posits that we ask how as a means to avoid responsibility. Huh? When we're afraid, or confused, or uncertain, or don't want to risk failure, we stop ourselves with one question, "Yea, but how?" The reasoning goes: "If I don't know how I can't possibly be held accountable for doing it." So, we wipe our mental hands of seeking the answer and grudgingly settle back into the life we know.

Your mind is a miracle of life. It has the power to imagine and create anything. Yes, even yours! But, the question how jams a wrench in its gears and it just stops considering a solution. It already knows you don't expect to find an answer, so it doesn't chase that goose.

You already know how to live the life you want to live. But, from your current state of being, that life isn't possible. Become the person that that life fits. What would you need to believe to have that life? What would you need to read, see, eat, do? What we believe and what we receive are very predictable. Look at the people who are living the life you want. Who are they, really?

If you want to have career success, become who successful people are. If you want to have loving relationships, become who those with loving relationships are. If you want well-being in body and mind, become who those with well-being are.

It's not enough just to DO what people do who are living the life you want. It begins with being first. When what you do is a natural extension of who you are, life flows. Who do you need to BE to live the life you want? How tragic it would be to have your dream life show up and you aren't yet person enough to handle it!

Karen is author of The Sequoia Seed: Remembering the Truth of Who You Are

, a great read for anyone who is seeking understanding or guidance, inspiration or clarity in his or her life. Waking Up

, the free bi-monthly ezine, was created to help you activate your natural motivation to move beyond mere existence and to really LIVE your dreams. Contact by tel: 509... or email.

Too Poignant Not To Share!!!

The Speech That Never Was: This Is It

Posted: 25 May 2009 03:00 AM PDT

Something many of you will know about me by now is that I really try to make the most of life and take advantage of this opportunity I have on earth. Part of making the most of life, to me, is facing your fears and really going for what you want, even if it scares you. That is something I did around 6 months ago when I joined a public speaking club

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A meeting at the club usually involves 4 people each giving an 8 minute speech and then 4 other members evaluating them. After that, everyone else who would like to speak is given a random topic which they have to speak about for 2 minutes.

Photo Credit

Being quite new to the club I had yet to make a longer speech, but my chance came when I was asked to put together a talk for the next meeting. Originally, I had written a speech about making goals and being able to achieve them; something I like to think I’ve been successful at. Within a few days I had put the whole thing together and just needed to start practicing it.

Around four days before the event, I was putting the finishing touches to my presentation and recording my efforts. It was at this time that I received a phone call to let me know that my gran, who had been in hospital for a few weeks, had sadly passed away.

It was at that moment that I decided to change the topic of my speech, aptly entitled: This is it. The meeting where I was supposed to give my talk ended up being cancelled so I never had the chance to present it. Therefore I’ve decided to share the talk with you all in this blog post in the hope that each of you can take something from it.

I have modified the speech slightly as text for a speech is quite different to text for a reader, but the main messages should still come across clearly.

Without further ado, here is the speech just after I had explained about my choice of topic…

I didn’t want to speak about death for 8 minutes; instead, I want to focus on problems - the things that usually seem so small in times of serious matters.

In order to talk about problems effectively, I decided to look at the three phases of time that our perceived problems come in: the past, the future, and the present.

The Past

Something highly obvious, but often forgotten about the past is that it is nothing more than a memory in your imagination. You can only ‘relive’ the past by thinking about it; you can’t go there, you can’t change it, and it will always be as it is.

Yet, while the past is nothing more than part of our imagination, it still has a strong hold on people in this present moment.

First of all, people define themselves by their past. Someone might say: “people made fun of me at school so I must be a loser now” or “I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend so why should I be able to get one now” or even “I’ve had no lucky breaks come my way so why would that change”. We use the past to create limiting beliefs thinking that we can’t do such and such now because we’ve never done it before, and so on.

Secondly, we hold on to problems of the past. Some people who have had a hard childhood never seem be able to forget about the struggle that they’ve went through and it makes them miserable. Even something more recent, like having an argument with a colleague a few days ago, can still bring us down in this moment. This happens simply because we’re thinking about it and those thoughts can bring the exact same emotions as the actual event.

Thinking about the past or letting the past control our present isn’t the only thing that holds people back. There’s also the future.

The Future

If the past is nothing more than a memory of what has happened, then the future is nothing more than some projected thought of what might or should happen.

There are two aspects to ‘future’ thinking that people allow to control them and create problems in their lives. The first is that we worry about a possible event. When I had finished my speech I was getting worried about the possible reactions and how well it would go. I was comfortable and in my home, with nothing bad going on, yet there I was creating negative future projections and letting them bring my mood down in that moment. I was getting stressed at nothing more than mind made projections.

Secondly, we hope for salvation in the future. We tell ourselves that the future will bring happiness and wealth and fulfilment or anything else we desire. We use the future as some kind of scapegoat. Thinking that as soon as a certain event happens that we can be at peace or start enjoying life and being happy. We spend this moment now waiting for good things to happen in some other moment.

The Present

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If we cling to the problems of our past, and worry about what might be in the future, where do we find happiness and live problem free? That’s simple…this moment, right here, right now.

Before I get into that, I want to look at our tendency as humans to label and react to things. Without trying to cause too much controversy, my personal view is that every situation is completely neutral.

To help you understand that, let me ask you a question:

If a young girl gets hit by a car, is that positive, negative or neutral (neutral meaning it is what it is) ? The obvious response to that is that it’s negative, the girl should not get hit by the car, it just shouldn’t happen. Now what if the girl getting hit by a car allowed doctors to find a tumour that they would haven’t of otherwise found out about and managed to save her life. Is the car crash still negative, is it positive, or is it…what it is.

Regardless of your answers to that, what I’m getting at is that it’s completely up to you how you look at and react to things. You can see things negatively, which we tend to do, we can see things positively, or we can accept things as they are, and deal with the things we can deal with.

Even today, there are probably so many irrelevant little incidents that got each of us in a bad mood. The learner driver in front of you was going too slowly, your boss gave you a task to do that you didn’t like, your child made a mess when making breakfast and so on. We resist these things, we resent people and we constantly complain internally because we’ve already labelled the thing or person as ‘bad’.

Did you know, most car accidents aren’t caused by drivers who are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Most car accidents are caused by drivers in emotionally charged states. For example, their football team may have just lost, they might have had an argument with their partner or something else that gets their adrenaline pumping before stepping into a car. They can’t let go of what has happened and be in the moment and instead hold onto their problems.

It is this kind of holding on to the past which causes fatal accidents.

Instead of holding on to incidents and let them control you, try to be here in the moment, as often as possible. Take in this situation, this moment, right now. You’re safe, you’re probably indoors and there are no problems you can have right now. You might think you had one 2 minutes ago, or you might think something will come up in 10 minutes, but right now, there are no problems. (See post

for more info)

What eastern philosophy and spiritual teachers have been trying to tell us for a long time is pretty simple: now is all there ever is. Now is the only constant, it is never not now. I have practically eliminated “problems” from my life by trying to live in the moment as often as possible and not letting my thoughts bring me down.

Instead of holding onto problems of the past, instead of disregarding this moment because you think happiness is found in some perfect future - come back to this moment. Take in your environment, be in it, soak it all up. You’ll be surprised when you find peace and happiness in the most simple of situations.

Just like with my gran, we never know when our time is up. Make the most of this opportunity that we call life: this is it.

Do You Criticize Your Own Self As Well?

Dealing with Criticism

Written by Chuck Gallozzi

Any Fool can Criticize, and Most Fools Do The Harm We Do Imagine stabbing a friend in a fit of anger. As the knife blade sinks into his chest, your friend gasps in astonishment. Bewildered, his face contorts in excruciating pain. Losing blood and succumbing to shock, he collapses. Fortunately, someone called an ambulance, which soon arrives and rushes your friend to the hospital. Although he recovers, his chest is marred for life by an ugly scar. Hard to imagine you would do that, isn't it? And if you did, I am sure after realizing the harm you have done, you would never repeat such an act. Yet, many of us, almost daily, stab the ones we love. We use invisible knives that do not draw blood. The weapon of choice is CRITICISM. The harm we do is just as vile as that produced by a real knife. Our criticism tears down their self-esteem. They feel unloved and experience self-doubt. Before their wounds have time to heal, we stab them again and again in the same place. How can we be so cruel? Perhaps we are deceived because our weapon and the victim's wounds are invisible. Why are we so vicious? Because of our own insecurities. How can we improve? The next time you feel like butchering someone with caustic words, pause for a moment, and in your imagination, make your knife visible. Once you realize the harm you are about to do, I'm sure you will stop. Sometimes the harm we inflict is so subtle, we are unaware of it. An example is combining praise with the word "but." For example, Johnny says, "Look, mom, I got an 'A' on my report card." Mom replies, "That's wonderful, Johnny, BUT you have a 'C' in math." The use of the word 'but' cancels the praise that preceded it. With this is mind, let's 'translate' the above conversation to see what we arrive at. Johnny: "Look, mom, I'm doing well at school." Mom: "No, you're not!" Compare the possible outcomes of the conversation between Johnny and his mother. What would have happened if his mother had said, "That's wonderful, Johnny. I'm going to tell Daddy how clever you are. Keep up the good work." Wouldn't that have inspired Johnny to work harder on his math, earning more praise in the future? Instead, Johnny feels that his hard work is not appreciated because his mom said, ". . . BUT you have a 'C' in math." Not much incentive for Johnny to try harder, is there? What to Do When Criticized What should you do when you are the victim of criticism? Here are some tips. 1. Use the criticism as a learning experience. That is, REMEMBER THE PAIN you feel, and vow not to do the same to others. 2. REMEMBER THEY ARE USING INVISIBLE WEAPONS, so are unaware of the pain they are causing. Forgive them. 3. REMEMBER THEIR PAIN. What do I mean by that? Here's an explanation by someone who's used to receiving criticism, Boy George, "When folks is mean, it ain't that they hate you personal. It's more likely because they are miserable about something in their inside. You got to remember how most of the time when they yell at you or get after you, it ain't you they are yelling at but something inside themselves you never even heard tell of, like some other person has been mean to them, or something they hoped for didn't come true, or they done something they are shamed even to think of, so they get mad at you just to keep their minds off it." 4. REMEMBER NOT EVERYONE IS EQUALLY ENLIGHTENED, or as John Wanamaker said, "I learned 30 years ago that it is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence." 5. After being criticized, THANK THEM FOR THEIR ADVICE and promise to take it into consideration. By thanking them, you are disarming their antagonism and ending the conversation peacefully. 6. CONSIDER THE SOURCE. The person criticizing you may be incompetent, envious, or jealous. If so, after thanking them for their advice, just brush it off. 7. EVALUATE THE CRITICISM. Although the complaint is probably not objective, there still may be some truth to what they say. Try to use this as an opportunity to grow. Remember, you are imperfect and others may see your flaws more clearly. Learn from them whenever you can, but don't return the favor by criticizing others! Final Thoughts Here's a valuable point made by Judge Harold Medina, "Criticizing others is a dangerous thing, not so much because you may make mistakes about them, but because you may be revealing the truth about yourself." Also, Samuel Johnson said, "God Himself, sir, does not propose to judge a man until his life is over. Why should you and I?" Finally, be patient with the faults of others; they have to be patient with yours. © Chuck Gallozzi For more articles and contact information, Visit http://www.personal-development.com/chuck